New horizons to explore...

This summer I finally got to experience the Wilderness Ministries Camp my hubbies bin talking about. Amazing talent,amazing people and amazing teachings and worship. Next year I hope to be able to share the experience with my little men as well. At camp Steve asked for help for a bike ministry thats bin on his heart for a long time now. At that time I agreed to stand by him if he chose to do that. And I will keep that promise
However, in church today and following I had an interesting tug at my own heart as well. I saw all the little ones mulling around at the service and couldn't help but smile at their mischiviousness. But upon arriving home the feeling was growing more. The what can I do? How could I be useful? How can I make church fun for them? I remembered back to the days when I was touched by adults. Western tract mission lessons, bible camp, sunday school teachers, etc.
We will have many hurdles. Steve and I with alot of prayer and hard work even to be able to get a bike up and running for starters. Then the rest will fall into place for him because of his wonderful support groups and connections he has in this area and his schooling as well and his strong convictions and beliefs. For me a bit tougher still. I need to take time to even find myself. I am on a path of discovery. And I still after all these years have alot to learn. I'm struggling with how to word this, but I guess the easiest way to put it at this time is I don't feel worthy enough to take on such an important role or even near qualified. So this hurdle will take time. But if God put it on my heart He'll help see me through.



Blessed is He who touches our hearts.
With a subtle softness,
yet an amazing strength.


I wanted to add more words, but somehow this time less to me is more.

The last few years have had ssoooo many new horizons! Newly wed to Steve, new friends, new family, new family additions through marriage and soon a birth,new jobs(Steve's), new church families, new blessings of faith, new struggles(can't forget those. lol.) Just sssoooo much going on and ssoooo much more to come. I welcome it. Well most of it. Some of it i'll want to hide from. Like my oldest graduating. I welcome him growing up becoming a man, etc. But I want to run from the fact its making me feel older and soon he'll be on his own and leave the nest. Yikes! Lord prepair my heart!

I guess we ALL have new horizons to explore...

Why do moms and wives put others first?

As a mom or as a wife we seem to put others before us. Why??? It doesn't often help matters.
We may get a bit miffed, but we do it. Many times to make the others happy or not to put them out, or even to appease. What I'm finding is that it comes back to bite you in the hinny. Kids no matter what you do are seldom happy with the out come. At least until the day they finally grow up to see that "yes" mom did make sacrifices.( I'm still waiting for mine to grow up). Then the hubbies. They don't see the sarcrifice all the time either. They only see the bit miffed part. Then rather than let it be or try to find out why...they ride that 1 nerve you have left. Pushing...commenting...teasing...baiting...thinking they are being funny until you snap and become upset. Then the big question. Why are you so mad?
This all stems from trying to be nice and letting people sleep in when I didn't want to be a bother.
Suddenly people are going where I wanted to go in the first place and I'm not told or given time to get ready, so if I do go everyones late. So I opt to stay home a tad miffed. But how dare I be miffed. So I've now become a "beast" that actually is the most in need of where I wanted to be in the very first place!!?????
WHY ME????
I think next time I'll go straight to being a "beast". Doing what "I want" to suit" just me". If they don't like it oh well! I'm a beast any way I look at it. Lord please give me strength!

Mother/Wife...Beast
Careful the transformation.....
Gentle and caring.
Wise and strong.
But if you cross her....
Crazed beast.
Wild and frazzled.
Dangerous and scary.
Then at the drop of a dime....
Gentle and caring,wise and strong.
Careful the transformation.

Yikes! Sorry!

How dare I!? I forgot an impotant part of my post. My new inlaws were amazing this Christmas! We had a blast visiting and spending time together. Great company and food all around. It was so great to have a Christmas full of love and blessings and materialism held at bay. God Blessed me truely.
My kids were unable to come but I was till lucky enough to see the childrens joy through Steve's nefews and his cousins kids. It kept me up the times I felt like I was missing them and getting down. And their welcoming hugs kept me on cloud nine. Thanks Caleb and Joe. You will never know how much that helped my heart this Christmas. And of course I talked to my boys. My greatest gifts...even though they were busy at play, so the call was short... it was great to hear their voices.

Good bye 2007...hello 2008.

Wow what a year! Cleaning, planning, wedding, moving, friends marrying, new babies, fitting two homes into one, kids, sports, plays, meeting new family, meeting new friends, some heart aches, finding old friends and family I've lost track of through facebook, and all of the usual family kid stuff and work inbetween. Theres just soo much more. But the page isn't long enough.
The new is about to bring so many new begginings. There are already three weddings of Steve's family scheduled.All in the same family alone I might add. Good luck and many blessings and prayers to them and Tom and Heather who get to go through this all with their kids. Needless to say love was abound in their home this Christmas. lol. Plus throw in the visiting newly weds Steve and I. It was a wonderful visit.
I start out the New Year with a mixed heart. A heart ache( I will keep to myself for now) and a wonderous life with my best friend. I look forward to lifes twists and turns for the New Year that just seem to keep me on my toes.
So good bye 2007...hello 2008.

Wow...won't let me post a title.lol.
Well...officially 27 days to go til the wedding.I was in a bit of a panick money wise,but things do come together at times.Getting a little over time at work,so things still a go,honeymoon wise.Hopeing for more.And if I get things together as I hope on time a garage sale too will help.Off to bed.Duty calls...last day of work tomorrow before my first fast paced vacation.Some vacation.lol.Busting my butt like I should have bin long before now.lol.oh ..well...I do work better under pressure.(good thing)
Thank goodness a calm before the storm.My sweety is coming to town after work and after he sleeps from the night shift.R+R with my baby.Good night all and God bless.

Wedding draws nearer...

I find the wedding is drawing nearer ...FINALLY!It seemed to take forever,and now I wonder will I get everything done?31 sleeps!Dress is near completion,I decided to make my own cake so test runs soon to come,kids outfits to buy,decorations to finish and home to get in order.(A bit of a tougher task.A big storm caused a small flood I'm still dealing with.Water gone now though,so just other clean up...musty clothes and some mold I need to bleach,things to throw out I can't salvage that type of thing.)
My only other grief so far is money.I dreamed of a perfect honeymoon...booked it...now unless I can pull a miracle out of somewhere I will need to cancel it and rebook it.Our plan was to stay at the fantasy land Roman room with all the goodies.Most likely will be a cheaper hotel hopefully near the mall.It seems every turn money was needed else where...
(brakes for car,etc.)and bank changes were made unknown to me until I called to get my balance,and dresses are going to cost extra due to difficult alterations for my bridesmaid and some for me.I just wish life didn't take money.Or that everyone could at least have enough to be comfortable and not struggle.The one thing I am very thankful for though,is that no matter where or what we do for our honeymoon...I will be with Steve.That is more than I could ever ask for if I really look at it.My angel..my blessing...my heaven on earth.
I still marvel at how amazing he is and how well we get along.I've never had a relationship quite like it EVER.It doesn't matter if we just hang out or go do things together,we just have fun no matter what we do.I am still thanking God for putting us together...I'm sure I always will.
No poem or extra thoughts tonight.My brain is jumping all over and thoughts won't settle.Wedding,missing my baby,kids fighting,thanking God,tired and thinking of all thats needed to be done soon.Just plain system overload.lol.Good night and God bless.

"Novel"Thoughts...

I just finished the novel"Christ The Lord Out of Egypt"by Anne Rice.(an author I enjoy)It is an admittedly fictional book depicting the life of Jesus as a seven year old boy and his quest to learn of the meaning of His life.It is written as if Jesus Himself is telling His story.I won't go into details for any who wish to read it.But Jesus 'revelation as to why He was put on earth,for some reason,grabbed me.
Surprisingly the authors note and paper back addition "extra" touched me as much as the book itself.The amount of research done to create the closest account to realizm is amazing.As well as Anne's road to writting this book.I have marked a few books used as research that have now become must reads for me.
I am also looking for answers,not only for me but for my oldest son.He questions religion and we have had many talks in this area,but he wants concrete evidence of Jesus and God.But I am not knowledgeable enough to provide him with exactly what he's looking for to open his heart and mind to God and Jesus..With my new must read list I'm hoping not only to strengthen my beliefs,but give him the answers he's in search of.

____________________________________________________________

In Blind Faith...
As children we believe in blind faith our parents love us and will keep us safe.
Catch us when we fall.
Teach us,guide us to know right from wrong.
As we grow we believe in blind faith that ,
the knowledge and lessons we learn from our teachers is real and true.
In adolescence we believe in blind faith ,
that our true friends will care and be there for us through thick and thin.
We also believe in blind faith,
that scientific tests and results created by man and their calculations(DNA for example)
are true and fact.
When we meet our soulmate ,
we believe in blind faith that they were sent to us to love till the ends of time.
So why is it so hard to believe in God and Jesus?
Why is it so hard to believe their love for us and the incredible wonders they have
performed and blessed us with?
Why do people need concrete proof,
more than the scriptures and gospels and teachings handed down?
These were written by man as were text books,science books and folk lore we are so
quick to believe.
Why can't we just believe in God and Jesus if we know it to be true in our hearts?
In blind faith...
_______________________________________________________________

I guess working night shift and having little to no sleep and much time to think inspired that thought.I got to thinking of my son searching for truthes and the scientific aspect of evolution etc. and the song "blind Faith"popped into my head from no where.Then my mind started to race.Thinking of the marvels of nature,God and His son.And the wonders of science that was created by man.Hence the example of DNA.But also what of A=lxw...or how to calculate caloric intake,testing samples of solid components by adding liquid to a test tube?
I thought... what if I were to create a formula in my mind for some bizzare reason,ensure I test it to have the desired results each time and give it a name and a reason.But with no backing,scientific or otherwise or without a following of believers or a "higher power"would it fly?Not a hope in hell!
So my point I guess is this...there has to be a God a "higher power" than us.Someone who creates these calculations and sends them through man for us to use.Because I really truely disbelieve "any" human individual could make a whole earth or nations believe that these experiments,etc,have any truth or meaning otherwise.And to most of us though we believe it in blind faith, have no way to have these formulas and tests make sence or know how factually correct or incorrect they may be.

Think about it...How can there not be a God,a Creator?
I'll gladly take it on blind faith!

Wedding day draws nearer...

Its hard to believe we are finally at 66 days til the wedding!It still seems so very far away yet when I think of things yet to do it is finally coming faster.Dresses to finish,flowers to fix(malfunction on those),still bowls to starch and decorate,music to prep(songs picked at least),liscence to buy,sitter to find for kids after,the list goes on lol.And most importantly CLEAN MY HOUSE AND YARD!!!!!!!! That could take the full two months.lol.(Actually could cry over that one)I am so frustrated with my weight.I so wanted to lose before my dress fitting,but Steve and I found this rolo desert!OMG!And I'm not supposed to eat it being diabetic but if we share it, it doesn't count right?!Somehow I think thats just a delusion I have on that issue.At least thats what my hips are telling me too.Loud and clear!But I do have a few more weeks.I can hope and pray...and jock out!!!God helps those who helps them selves so I'd better quit hoping for a miracle on that one and get the lead out!
And the greatest thing through all of this is most people that I've seen argue and bicker...we still haven't...not even over wedding stuff.And Steve is in there like a dirty shirt maybe even more so than me.Picked the music,booked the church,even picked the maid of honors dress material.And guys don't laugh...he's picked out things I agree with...impressive in my books.And just for the record...he's still all man ...rrrrr...rrrr...rrrr.Or however you spell the tool man sound lol.
I should be in bed as usual.I get thinking of my sweety and things to come and I find myself awake and loving the thought of Steve finally moving here and no more lonely longing empty nights.Or days for that matter.Thank the Lord and man he used to help create phones,computers and cell phones.Not to mention cars and snail mail (thank goodness we haven't needed).

(untitled thoughts)
Making lists.
Trying to prioritize.
Not knowing were to start.
Overwhelmed.
Lazy.
Frustrated.
Wanting help.
Yet knowing its things I need to do myself.
I pray for strength.
I pray for energy.
I pray for survival.
Knowing in the end it is for one main goal.
To prepair for my one and only.
To begin our life together.
To start fresh and anew.
Wow...to be here...who ever knew!?


My back has finally let up a bit ,meds have kicked in,but it is time to put me to bed.Early morning and long day ahead.God bless.And good night.